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Credit: Eurosport

Valdés: I blame myself, people expected more from me when I left Barça

Former FC Barcelona goalkeeper Victor Valdés gave a lengthy interview to Marlon Becerra from the Colombian news station RCN on June 15th. It aired last week and these are some of the most important parts.

Q: Tell me about a great day in your life that you would like to repeat.

Valdés: A day I would like to repeat? The day I was born, I suppose. There's so much that happened that I would like to change, so if I had to choose one day to go back to, I'd choose that day. There's no better way to start again then starting from zero. Of course, there are memorable days in my life that I recall with great affection, like the birth of my three children when I was lucky enough to be in the birthing room, like the moments when I won important trophies professionally, but if I selfishly had to think about what I'd want, it would be to get a clean start and make other decisions than the ones I made. I'd change many decisions. Life is a series of crossroads and you decide what road you take in each of those crossroads and that ends up creating your life and your destiny. And the only way to change the things you aren't happy about in your past is being born again.

Would you be a goalkeeper the second time around?

No. That is one of the things I'd change. I've always said it. My history with the goal is one in which, from a young age, they made me believe that I was talented, that this was the road I had to take and the circumstances of my development allowed me to keep moving up in the academy. And in the end I was trusted and could become a professional player, but it's not an easy road and the years I've suffered have not been compensated by the good years.

You had a record of more than 800 consecutive minutes of keeping a clean sheet.

I never like recalling my personal statistics or records. I know that I've achieved different individual things that I'm very proud of, but I've always said that the achievements I'm most proud of are the 3 Champions League trophies I won with Barcelona. I would never imagine putting a personal record or achievement ahead of a team goal. And I never have. In the end what does that record give you? Yes, I didn't receive a goal during X minutes. You don't even remember that record and another goalkeeper can beat it, I have no idea if it's been beaten already, but in the end if that record doesn't lead it to a team title then what is it good for? I've always seen football just from a collective perspective, even though my position is so focused on the individual, so solitary, that it's hard to say you don't think about your job, which is not letting goals in. But I don't value those individual achievements.

Do you always want to be on the pitch or do you sometimes prefer to not play?

Football has plenty of moments in which you're scared. And I think it's good to have fear and be nervous before the big games, it keeps you alert, makes you feel alive. Not being scared before a big game is impossible. The important thing is to know how to control that and how to generate something positive for your mind and for your body from it, so that your reactions to events will be good ones. But I've had plenty of games in which I didn't want to be there. I partly play football because I was told that I was good for this, and they talked me into it since I was kid, and the only option I had was to take this road and do my job with the maximum discipline possible and with lots and lots of work. And that made me reach the top in this position. But I could tell you about thousands of negative moments and times that I've suffered because of football.

Is there any moment that you see over and over again, like you see movies?

I have a very special DVD that I watch from time to time. It's a review of the most important sporting event of my career: the 2006 Champions League final in Paris against Arsenal. If I had to choose only one game in my career that would be it. Because of how that night went my career went on an ascending path. That DVD makes me very emotional, because besides the game itself and the buildup before the game, there's also the celebration in Barcelona with all the fans on the street. The club hadn't won the Champions League since 1992. Everyone came out on the streets and there's an image of me picking up the cup that makes me very emotional and I keep repeating that celebration with all the fans. In the end, I think that's what football leaves me with: those moments of happiness with the teammates and the fans. Thank God I've had plenty of them.

Have you ever seen yourself doing something else?

I've thought about having a different job, especially when I've had bad days at work. On those days you always think: "I wished I had another job”. I have no idea what that other job would be, but any way to make a living would be okay. I have no problem adapting my life to the events that happen. My wife knows this and we've talked about it. If I had a problem I'd be ok with taking a different road from football. Even if I am a public figure, I'd have no problem with that.

But getting to where you have gotten is hard, right?

I've been very fortunate and privileged to have this life, but I don't hide what I think. The people close to me have always known what I think about football and goalkeeping. I wrote a book recently (“MetodoV”) in which I tell the story of my career, but what I try to explain is the psychological method I've had to create in my head little by little to surpass all the obstacles that life has put in front of me that I didn't understand, but that I had to understand. In the end I managed to obtain success, thank God.

When you go for an aerial ball, do you think about your safety or do you ignore that?

As a goalkeeper I always think I’m going to get hit when going for an aerial ball. The goalkeeper is always less protected than the other players because we're only looking at the ball when we come out to get it, so the other players can easily hit you. But these are just football things that have been accepted with time. I'll give you an example: I broke my knee last year in an action that I had probably done millions of times, given my 12 years of professional career and more than 20 years of football. I jump for a ball, try to catch it, I don't get it, it falls and I go for it on the ground. Without any problems. That day, when my foot hit the ground, I was only thinking about catching the ball. And then my doctor, the surgeon who saved my career because thanks to him I could play again, asked me: 'Do you know why you got injured?' And I said: 'I think it's because that day the pitch was a little wet and my foot slipped a little so my knee gave in.' And he told me: 'No, you got injured because your brain was thinking about the ball more than it was thinking about your body. And it didn't allow your muscle enough time to protect your knee before you went for that ball.' So, yes, when you're thinking about it you think you can get hit, but when you're just looking at the ball you don't think about your body.

If you could change the result of one game you’ve played, which one would it be?

I wouldn't change the result of any game I've played, but I would change the day in which I got injured last year. I was the captain that day, we were facing Celta Vigo at home, it was a midweek game. The damned play started with the referee giving a penalty against us. I don't remember the name of the referee, I think it was Ayza Gamez, but in a game he had called a week or two weeks before, he had given a penalty, at Almeria's ground I think, for a foul that had happened outside of the box. He had made a mistake. So as the captain, I go out and tell him: 'Check with the linesman because I think it was outside the box.' He was talking to the assistant on the headset, as a captain I was putting pressure on him, and then he signals it was outside the box. Free kick. And that's where my life changed. I got injured going for that ball from the free kick. If it would have been a penalty I would have surely not gotten injured. So, no, I wouldn't change the result of any game I've played. I would change that day, I would make someone else captain because without the armband I would have surely not gone to ask the referee to change his decision. These are things that stay with you all your life. I'll never forget that day. You were talking about destiny earlier and I told you that destiny is a series of crossroads. And in that moment I decided that the road to take was this one, when the natural course of things would have been the other road.

What did you learn from your injury?

I won’t talk about the people that abandon you or the fact that the football world makes you feel like an invalid, but I will tell you about one thing that was special for me. The injury made me experience what life is like when you're not a football player. I went to Germany for recovery. It was a difficult injury but I knew that I was going to make it, no matter what. And in those 2-3 months that I was in Germany I lived in a hotel and I had to go from there to my doctor's clinic 2-3 times a day for recovery work and I took a tram. And thanks to the attitude of the people in Augsburg, I never got noticed: not on the tram, not on the street, nowhere. Which was unusual for me after living in Barcelona for so long. And I thank God for the fact that after lots of years I had to pay for the small things like a tram ticket and a coffee and I got to experience other thousands of things that you don't experience as a football player. As footballers we live in an unreal world. We get everything handed to us, everything is easy, people praise you, you feel comfortable in every place. And the injury made me go back to the real world. And that dose of humility was strong and now that I'm back to being a professional I have that memory with me. I was the guy in Augsburg, who bought tram tickets and walked with crutches and with headphones on and alone. No one can take that away from me.

So now you’re back to being a superstar, but the lesson remains.

I’ll never be a superstar again. Because I've seen the other side. Football isolates you. You hurt your knee and you're immediately replaced by someone else, you're not good enough anymore. But you're good enough if you want to be. It’s your will power that gets you to the right place again. I'm like a kid with new shoes. Well, a new knee. I thank God for everything that I have now and I appreciate it much more than before my injury.

What do you think about when a penalty is given against you?

First of all, the goalkeeper has nothing to lose when he faces a penalty. Because it’s assumed that a penalty will be scored. When I meet kids, they always ask me what it’s like to face a player like Cristiano or Messi from the penalty spot. They think that because it’s an important player the goalkeeper is scared, but I think that the goalkeeper can only win when facing a penalty. If he stops it, he’s a hero. If he doesn’t, it’s ok, because that was supposed to happen anyway.

So what do you look at before the opponent hits the ball from the penalty spot?

You analyze a lot of things, how he positions himself, his history with penalties, statistics about the penalties he’s taken, you see how nervous he is, you try to make him more nervous, you try to make him stand there for a longer period of time so that he can change his mind about how to take it again and again… Different things that can happen in a play like that, but that’s all I’m going to tell you, I can’t say anything more.

Do goals have different sizes or are they all the same?

Very, very different. That’s a good question. The goal you defend in training is the easiest. I’ve always thought that training is different than competing. Because when you go out to train you don’t focus on the goal. You go out to train and to enjoy yourself. There’s no pressure, no one observes you other than your coach and your teammates. Then you go out and compete in front of 100,000 people the first couple of times, and the goal looks bigger than it is. And you try to touch the posts so that they protect you, you pray to every saint for protection from any bad thing that can happen… And then there are actual physical differences from stadium to stadium. But the most important part is the psychological aspect.

What didn’t you enjoy about the fame?

I don't enjoy the fame. When this is over, when the lights go out, I'll be with my kids, teaching them what can happen when the lights are on and wishing that they get that spotlight, but not me. And I hope that after the lights go out it will be difficult for people to find me.

Did you know players who enjoyed the fame?

Yes, but as a positive thing. There are people who surround themselves with others, who draw from that in moments of weakness. Ronaldinho for me was a person who had a people's touch. No matter where we were, airports or other places, we had the club’s security with us, but he would allow everyone to come to him, people were hugging him, touching him. He was a warm person with everyone and I think that he enjoyed that fame in a positive way. Otherwise you can't fake that smile he had on all the time; you can't force it for years.

What’s different between being an outfield player and a goalkeeper?

The loneliness. You have to take it all in on your own. When you make a mistake, as a kid, you feel that you're being pointed out, by the kids, their parents even if they don't mean to: 'he's why we lost.' And when you're a kid that's hard. You go home, you're depressed... if your team from your school they might remind you of what happened during the week too. And that's the marginalization that goalkeepers go through. And that's the character that the mature goalkeeper has. Because he's lived it since he was small. And we're a different species. I get a lot of messages on social media, especially from kids and you see their pictures on Twitter or Facebook (I read them, even though they don't think I do) and it's a kid who is a goalkeeper. And it's emotional to read the messages of support because it was from another goalkeeper. He's a 10 year old goalkeeper and I'm a 33 year old goalkeeper. Doesn't matter. We're goalkeepers. I think we're the same. That will probably be what I do after I retire: teach them. Because they're honest. They'll never lie to me.

What do you do to relax after big games?

I like watching movies I’ve seen before to relax. There are two things that help me isolate myself from the outside: rock ‘n roll and cinema. Those are my greatest passions and they help me isolate myself in bad situations. If I don’t want anyone to disturb me, I put on a movie. And I get involved with the story and I forget. That’s why I like movies so much. And rock has always helped me isolate myself from my fears and get out the best of me.

What’s the best advice you ever got from a coach?

When I was 18 years old, after a game that we won 6-1, I think, I was sad in the locker room, and that was pure egocentrism from me, I don't like it but it happened. And the assistant coach comes to me, Mr. Pep Segura, and he recalls this because I talked to him a couple of days ago and told him about it. He asks me why I’m sad, why I’m sitting alone. I told him it's because I made a mistake with the goal I conceded and that I could have done more. He says: 'I think you could have done more too, but what you don't recall now is the save you made when the score was 0-0 and the other interventions you had that helped your team.' I told him I didn't recall those, that I was just mad abort the goal I had conceded. And he answered: 'What I’m going to tell you now will help you for the rest of your life: always recall the good things after a game or training, never hang on to the negative things.' And that is something that is opposed to what many people teach you to do many things in life: learning things from your mistakes. You already know what the mistake was and that you made it. Just like I knew that day. I always recall those words, they give me life. After a bad moment, a bad game...

What is the quality you value most in a coach?

I'd say his ability to communicate. I had the fortune a working with Guardiola for a few seasons and for us it was like attending a football university in which he was the tenured professor. But apart from his teaching, his ability to communicate was great. And how he adapted to each of us because it was different if he had to say something to you or to me or to someone else. That's the most difficult part of being a coach: adapting his ego and the message he wants to send to 24-30 people in his squad. Managing the egos in the locker room, because there are lots of them. ‘I have to tell you that you made a mistake but how do I tell you? Because you deal with things differently than the other guy who might be more accepting.' That's the hardest thing: communication.

Do you get along better with the teammates that have the same character you have or with the ones who are different?

I always got along well with all of my teammates. Of course it's easier to become close with people who have a character closer to yours. You might not think so, but I enjoy making jokes a lot, fooling around and making other people laugh. And I liked the kind of players that accepted that, that laughed at my jokes. For example Xavi always laughed with me like no one else. And the many moments I've shared with him in the locker room and outside of it are unique. And we still have moments ahead of us, because that's a friendship that will last forever.

Who are the goalkeepers you liked the most?

I liked Oliver Kahn, I saw him for the first time when I was a ball boy at the Camp Nou. And when I saw him stop a ball and keep it in his arms, how big he was, his character and the safety that he transmitted I thought ‘that’s my idol’. You could feel his strength, his character. He was my goalkeeper. And then I liked Santiago Cañizares a lot. He was a model for me in terms of technique, when I trained every day he was the one I wanted to be like because he was very elegant, talented and stopped the ball the way I thought it should be done.

When you sit in your goal and look at the game do you wish you were there, playing it, or does that never happen?

First of all you try to focus on what is happening on the pitch. Because your position on the pitch depends on that. With Guardiola for example my defensive line was always halfway up the pitch. So I had 30-40 meters that I had to defend like a normal goalkeeper in case the opposition threw a ball over my defense. So I had to position myself higher on the pitch than any other goalkeeper so that I wouldn’t have to run 40 meters, I would only have 15 meters, because I’m not fast. So I didn’t have time to think I wanted to be playing, because I was too focused on this.

Who were the most dangerous strikers you’ve faced?

There were lots of them. Raul, who was deadly in the box. Every loose ball that was in the box he was there to find it. Ronaldo, the Brazilian, who had a fast and precise finish like no one else. Cristiano Ronaldo, who I’ve faced many times, is deadly; he’s unpredictable because once he gets past the midfield he can shoot from anywhere. I’ve played against the best, fortunately. Or unfortunately, I don’t know.

What makes Leo Messi so special?

Leo has been surpassing his own achievements year after year, with the added pressure of being the best, because he's aware of that. He's pure talent. I've shared the dressing room with great players, who were extraordinarily talented: Ronaldinho, Xavi, Iniesta; people that were born to do this. But Leo was always one level above that talent that I was used to seeing. I've faced him in training and I thank God for that because that made me improve as a person, as a professional, as a teammate and as a goalkeeper. People ask me if there is a limit to what Leo can do and I always say the same thing: There's not. Not until he says that he's reached his limit, but I don't think he even thinks about.

The most special meeting you’ve had?

Honestly, I’d have to say meeting my wife Yolanda. We have built a family, which is something that will last forever, and because I know myself better than anyone and I know that I’m hard to live with in some moments so she deserves all the trophies in the world for putting up with me. I think that’s the most special meeting and I grabbed on to her and never let her go. She was so beautiful. It was love at first sight.

Has the meaning of the word ‘fear’ changed for you during the years?

Yes, it has. Depending on what you talk about. Now that I have three kids I fear death a lot. Because I think that these small creatures can’t suffer that. Professionally you get past the stage fright with experience. That can paralyze you in the first years and make you not do your best. But fearing for my life has changed since I am a dad. Before that, I used to go undercover and ride motorcycles, even if the club didn’t allow me to and I knew the risk that involved. But I didn’t have anyone who depended on me so I just thought that my life was my life. But when you have kids you think that it’s better to not put yourself at risk. So I think that’s the fear that has changed with the years.

Which one of your qualities will you instill in your children?

Perseverance. I am thankful that I had a father who was very strict with me in about discipline and work and I thank him for teaching me that you have to keep working for your objective no matter what happens. That's what I want to teach my children. Work, work, work. There's no other secret in life. Only the people who do magic get things handed to them. And even they had to work to get their wand. Perseverance, humility, and respect towards others if you want to be respected.

Tell me about a moment you really blamed yourself for.

Surely it has to be one of the moments in which I isolate myself. I go away and there are people who suffer and expect more from you and expect you to be there. Like the goodbye I had at Barça. Because of the treatment I was following in Germany, it wasn't like I'd wished for and because of my character I isolated myself and left and I’m sure the people were expecting more from me. These are the kinds of things I blame myself for.

What was a critical moment in your life, when everything could have changed?

I’ve always thought that I have a guardian angel that has protected me from stuff ever since I was a kid. Like this one time when I was 12 years old, I was already playing for Barça and I started feeling a strong pain in my adductor. I also had a fever, so I went to sleep and when I woke up the pain had gone down my leg. I still had a fever and I went to the hospital. After one week in the hospital they finally figured out what was wrong with me: I had a bacteria that was starting to eat my shinbone. I had gotten it through a scratch on the arm… The doctors weren’t sure if they could save my leg and I went through bad moments because I saw my family suffering. But, thanks to God or that guardian angel that has always looked out for me my leg was not just saved, but after the intervention it grew at the same rate as the other leg, which was a worry we had because I was still growing. That’s a part of destiny I think, because if they would have had to cut my leg off or if it hadn’t have grown at the same rate then I would have had a totally different life.